And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
