sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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