She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
