i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
