I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
