If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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