is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
