i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I would fuck him just for his dog
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
