Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
