i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
