Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
