You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
