Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
