fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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