Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
