i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
