who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
