Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So many bounce houses so little time
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
