i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
