I want to have your abortion
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
As shirtless as possible
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
