I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
