I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
