we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
