Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
