I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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