matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
