nut hugger
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I love having hate sex.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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