I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
third nipple confirmed
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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