At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
