tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
