His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
