I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
