i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
