Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
