he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
