be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
