I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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