Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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