So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
