Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
