Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
please come you make the beer taste better
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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