I wish I could teleport
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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