____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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