I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
