it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
