Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
