Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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