know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
