I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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