you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
this boner is exhausting
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
