i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
